I was working at the Food Pantry the other day. Well, several of us were sitting around talking because we had no clients, no one who was seeking food. I hope the fact that we had no clients that day is a good thing, that it means no one in our neighborhood was hungry for at least a day. That’s my optimistic view of the situation.
We volunteers have some good chats on slow days. I try not to let my divorced status define who I am, but at the same time, I am very open to discussion of my situation just in case it might be helpful to someone who takes the time and trouble to ask questions. I usually prefer to assume that the questions are sincere and not prying.
One of the women asked if I mind living alone. I have to admit I hadn’t thought about it in a while until she asked. (That’s a sure sign that I’m doing well, don’t you think?) I considered the question for a moment and responded, “No, not really. I do have a cat after all.” I went on to tell her that I missed my husband horribly for a long time but I don’t anymore, that I have adjusted to what is, and am content. She said, “That’s a really good thing — learning to be happy where you are with what you’ve got.”
I’ve thought a great deal about that statement. It certainly sums up where I am today.
Back at the beginning of our separation, I read somewhere that it takes a year of recovery for every five years a couple is together. At the time I had trouble wrapping my mind around that notion, thinking “I don’t have that much time. Let’s just get on with it!” I have learned, though, that it has proved pretty accurate in my case. I wanted to hurry up the healing but I wasn’t able to. Some things take time.
I no longer think too often about D and our marriage. Oh sure, things pop up but I don’t dwell on the negatives much. I have thought about my ex this week because he had a birthday a couple of days ago. I considered sending him a happy birthday text but then I asked myself, “Why would I do that?” I don’t hate him. I don’t dislike him. But I don’t like him very much either. And I don’t owe him anything. I guess I’m idling here in the middle and it’s a pretty good place to be.
Oh, okay. Happy birthday, D. Thirty years is a long time and old habits die hard.
People change and forget to tell each other. ~ Lillian Hellman