About me.

I’m a mom, a grandmother and a retired high school teacher. I am also divorced after 30 years of marriage to the man I considered the love of my life. My name is Pat. I decided to write about my divorce for several reasons. My altruistic reason is that I would like for others who have been dumped by their spouses to know that they are not alone, that they are entitled to every imaginable emotion and that they’re all normal under the circumstances. My selfish reasons are: I have kept journals throughout this journey and have discovered that I like to write. And I find it cathartic to write about my experiences.

My hope is that I will be able to help someone along the way. If so, it will be worth the writing.

15 June 2018 — It’s been almost eight years since I wrote the above description. All of it was, and still is, true. But I’m so much more than that. The pain I felt then was palpable and I was having a difficult time knowing who and what I was. I’m happy to say that I’ve worked through the pain and the anger. Some days I still feel a little sad about the abrupt dissolution of my marriage but I no longer want to do bodily harm to my ex-husband and his now wife. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for them. Life has not been particularly kind to them these last years. I hope the last two sentences will be the last time I feel compelled to talk about them.

So…who am I? I’m a feminist. A liberal Democrat. An activist. I’m an outspoken supporter of Human Rights and Equal Rights. A card-carrying member of the ACLU. A conservationist – I support Sierra Club and The Nature Conservancy. (Global warming and one-use plastics keep me awake at night.) I don’t have a lot of money but most of my donated dollars go to Habitat for Humanity. (In my opinion, Jimmy Carter does it right.)

I’m tough and soft. I’m opinionated. Sometimes I get so excited about a conversation that I interrupt. I drive my daughters nuts. I love whole-heartedly and unconditionally. I try not to hate. I keep remembering my mom telling us not to be hateful. I have to admit, though, that not hating President #45 while he does so many hateful things to our country, our world, nature, etc., takes a lot of energy. Yet I try.

So here I am now. I was all this eight years ago, too, but I couldn’t say it then because I was so bruised and beaten and scared that I didn’t know who I was.

Oh, one more thing – I now have two great grandsons. Add great grandma (GG) to my list. They make me so happy.


36 thoughts on “About me.

  1. Hi Pat! I just read your entry from June 2018. Congratulations on your great grandsons who make you so happy. I am a GG too and love to have great grandchildren around. One of my great grandson’s name is Carter.
    I googled this: “. . . . his beloved wife June Carter Cash died on May 15, 2003, of complications following heart surgery. Four months later, Johnny died of complications from diabetes in Nashville, TN. He was 71.”
    You mention that your birthday is on the 26th of February and so was Johnny Cash’s!
    I also took this from Google: “Cash guested on Bob Dylan’s 1969 country-rock album Nashville Skyline. Dylan returned the favor by appearing on the first episode of The Johnny Cash Show, the singer’s television program for ABC. . . .”


  2. Recently been “replaced” – after 37 years with someone I believed I could trust 100%. Need help to fight the ” fear” and gut-churning rage and sadness. Sometimes feel I am literally drowning and I can’t breathe it hurts so much – yet I fear still for him and HIS happiness. He wants me to “hang around” in case it does not ” work out”. Why do I even entertain the thought of doing that ? So confused …………….


    • Oh, Cathy, I’m so sorry. 37 years! I know your pain. I also understand your concern for his happiness. I still feel myself thinking that way even after more than six years. I wish I could say something to comfort you. It takes time, unfortunately. I don’t like to give advice but I can tell you what I did. I saw my family doctor and I went to a counselor. My doctor recommended an antidepressant because I wasn’t sleeping at all. He told me I would get physically ill if I didn’t sleep. Mostly the counselor listened, which is what we probably need most. I will think of you and I wish for you the best recovery possible. Please feel free to write again. Do you blog? I found writing it down very helpful. Good luck.


      • Thank you SO much for responding so quickly – I know that my circumstances are anything but unique but you do feel very much “on your own” – like a tree thats had its roots chopped. No where to go but to fall crashing to the ground. Also not used to having my emotions rule my thoughts – quite a disconcerting experience 😦 Don’t think I am depressed more anxious and fearful. Not sure I want to talk to a counselor – would force me to face truths I don’t think I want to look at just yet – does that make any sense ? Bless you for your empathy


  3. Hi Elizabeth. Thank you for taking the time to tell me this. It makes the writing worthwhile. I was reading more of your blog last night. I was just reading and trying to catch up with where you are in this unwanted journey, so I didn’t comment. I probably should have because now I’m straining my brain to remember what I read. It was late.

    You sound like you’re doing well such a short time into your trek. Of course I know from experience that what I see on the screen isn’t always the whole story. I kept journals from day one but was not able to put fingers to keyboard and start a blog until much later. I’ve thought of going back to my written pages and adapting some of them into blog posts. But I don’t want readers to think I’m being maudlin or going backward, regressing. Maybe they should be a separate blog. I don’t know. Any thoughts on that?

    Take care, E, and keep on keeping on. You are getting there. Best regards, Pat


  4. Hello. I have now had time to read some of your older posts. It has been comforting to know that others have been in the same situation as myself (late life abandonment) and survived. It is also comforting to read of your current more ‘normal’ phase, meaning just living everyday life and enjoying it. I thought I would let you know that your courage in putting your pain – and your journey to survival – down in words is now helping me, as I hope that my story may also help others. Thank you for your inspiration when you are feeling good, it is uplifting to hope that I will get there too. Thank you for your honesty when you do not feel so good as it makes me feel ‘Ah, it is OK to not always feel OK’. Then I become more accepting of my own ‘hard-to-get-through-days’ and suddenly by accepting that, those days become less burdensome. Keep writing. You do it so well.


  5. Pingback: A Toast to the Lassies « maturestudenthanginginthere

  6. Hi Vickie. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. “Happy as a clam to be alone”–I’m so glad you said that. When you’re married your whole adult life, it’s not easy to come to an acceptance of your alone-ness, let alone to be happy with it. I still get lonely but I usually go see a grandchild when I feel that way. Fortunately, I have some nearby.

    Nice to meet you, too. Now I’m off to check out Jumping in Mud Puddles. Chuckle. I love the title.


  7. Hi Pat! Looks like you got me by 5 years. I was married for 25. I was a stay at home mom who luckily had a teaching degree to fall back on after the divorce. At age 51, I think I became the oldest newest teacher in the state..lol…Happy as a clam to be alone..Nice to meet you. Vickie


  8. Hi Pat!

    To my recent comments about one of my daughters I would like to add a bit more. As I said, she raised twins and three daughters. And for many years she did it completely on her own! She was a very devoted mother. The friends of her children would often stay with them too. It was always a very welcoming home.

    The twins moved in with girlfriends when they were still pretty young. One twin stayed with his girlfriend a few more years than the other. But they both ended up back home with mum, first one twin, then the other. They both have a good relationship with their half-sisters, who are all in their teens now.The teenage daughter of their mum’s new partner lives with them too. The twins however live on their own again. One twin is on the way to becoming a dad as we found out recently.

    Cheerio, Uta.


    • Hi Uta.

      I’m enjoying learning about your daughter. I’m going to respond by email, I think, when I have a little more time. Well, I have plenty of time now but I’m tired and going to bed. I think you were right initially when you said we (your dtr. and I ) have some things in common. I’ll elaborate later.



      • Hi Pat,

        I just tried to find your email address. I ended up here. I thought I might send you the picture with all the different signs to Charlotte, since Peter went to the trouble of copying the picture for me. You probably have seen this sign in your city?

        I had a look at what I wrote here last December. Yes, Ryan is about to become a father. Only a few more weeks to go!

        Having seen the Sussex Inlet photos, you know what the twins looked like between 1985 and 2000. Ryan and Troy were recently in London and Dublin. They took lots of photos and published them on Facebook. Peter is familiar with Facebook. But I am not. I could see all the beautiful pictures of the twins only because Peter showed them to me.

        A few years ago we saw the movie ‘The Madness of King George’ with Helen Mirren as Queen Charlotte and Nigel Hawthorne as the King. Did you see the movie?


  9. Hi Jacqueline. Thank you so much for honoring me with the Versatile Blogger Award. I just had a cuppa in your honor. I’m trying to meet a couple of deadlines for some volunteer work I do so I will have to wait a few days before I can nominate and continue the process. That’s probably good because I can start jotting down blogs as they come to mind while I’m working on my tasks.

    Thanks again,


  10. Hell Pat. I just wanted to pop in to say I’ve just nominated you to receive the Versatile Blogger Award – congratulations. I nominated your blog because (as I’ve said in my post) reading your blogs, for me, is kinda like sitting down and having a cuppa with you. Anyhow a nice way to promote your blog. You can find out more via my link http://maturestudenthanginginthere.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/blogging-marvellous/



  11. I love your blog – I like your writing, and your reflections.

    While my ex and I had only been together for 10 years, I really did think that I’d be with him until the end of time. It felt as though he’d reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. Now, 18 months on, I’m just beginning to relax into being single. And, I’m really enjoying it!

    I shall come by again!



    • Thanks, Old Girl, for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I look forward to checking out your blog this evening. Today I’m trying to be dedicated to cleaning house. That’s a tough one for me.

      I’m happy that you’re starting to enjoy being single. I read somewhere at the beginning of my separation that, on average, it takes about a year for each 5 years you were in the relationship. Sounds like you’re right on schedule or even a little ahead. That’s truly wonderful.


  12. Thank you, BH for reading and for subscribing. Don’t you love countingducks! I just took a quick look at your blog. I’ll go back and read more later today. It’s an attractive and my first impression is that you’re very poetic. Can’t wait to read more.


  13. Hi, Pat – I just discovered you via countingducks and have been reading quite a few of your posts. I didn’t want to leave without saying hello and letting you know that I have subscribed to your blog. Your writing is very honest and the way you write makes me want to read more. Glad to have met you in cyberspace! BH


  14. My name is Rosalind and I am a casting associate for a production company based in NYC. We are looking to speak to the married/divorced community regarding infidelity in marriages.

    Please see below the casting notice we are hoping you will post on your site or share with others who may be interested in sharing their story to help someone else.

    If you have additional questions please feel free to e-mail me.

    Casting Associate
    True Entertainment

    The company that brings you, A Baby Story, Whose Wedding is it Anyway, Mystery Diagnosis… is now seeking married couples (or divorced) willing to share their stories for a groundbreaking new show.

    Coming soon to a major cable network, this new television series will explore the psychology of infidelity. This is NOT a talk show; it is a documentary series and will take an impartial approach to the content.

    The show will use first person narrative and psychological input to educate the viewers on the deep internal issues both parties deal with leading up to an affair and after the revelation. 

    We are currently looking for married couples who have dealt with a complex instance of infidelity and would be interested in retelling their story on our show. It’s important to us that the couples are well past the initial hurt and would be able to discuss their situation and resolution so others can learn from it. If you are interested in hearing more about the project or have any feedback please contact me atinfidelity.casting@gmail.com and I’d love to discuss everything in more detail.

    Casting Associate
    True Entertainment


  15. I too have found writing very cathartic. On some of the ghastly sleep-deprived nights it’s the only way I can get back to sleep.

    I have read some of your posts with interest. There are so many of us ‘out there’ who have been hit in the same way. It doesn’t make the pain any less – but having people who care and are egging us on to find new futures for ourselves does help.

    Good luck


    • Thanks, Caroline. I have just begun to read some of your posts. I love your writing so I subscribed to your blog. I look forward to reading and following your progress.

      Best of luck to you!


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