I’ll do my crying in the rain (while mowing the lawn!?)

Sometimes we must make our own light.  This fixture resides in a local restaurant.  It’s made of items that would ordinarily be thrown in the trash.  I like that. ~ Pat

I don’t know why, but lately as I’ve mowed the lawn, I’ve had tears streaming down my face.  Yesterday it started to rain while I was mowing.  The irony made me grin.  There I was mowing in the rain, smiling and  crying at the same time.  I could imagine my neighbor talking to me over the fence and not realizing I was crying because the tears would mix with the raindrops.

Maybe I was crying because the recent afternoon showers have made my weedy lawn grow at an alarming rate and I’m having to mow more often.  Maybe the tears aren’t tears at all, but beads of perspiration.  (It’s that hot and humid.)  Maybe those bald spots in my yard where even weeds don’t grow are depressing me.  Maybe I’m longing for the help of the lawn boy (teenager) who mowed for me last year, and lamenting the notion that I can’t afford him this year.

Or maybe the tears are not for me at all.  Maybe they are tears of love and support for family and friends who need support right now.  What better time to shed them than while my mind is free as I pace back and forth, trying physically to make order and neatness in my surroundings, at the same time trying mentally to make order for my friends and family who feel as if they are living in chaos where nothing makes sense.

This post and my tears and prayers are for P whose father died yesterday after a tragic accident.  For my blogger friend U whose beloved daughter recently died unexpectedly.  For A whose darling boy died, the result of a seizure, at age eighteen.  For my cyber-friend J whose mother was recently diagnosed with cancer.  For my friend C whose dear son is fighting demons that none of us can understand.  For my precious daughter who is ill but not yet diagnosed.

God gave us unlimited tears because She knew these sorrows would sometimes come at us in bunches and we would need them.

This song kept nudging me as I mowed.  It’s written by Carole King and sung by the Everly Brothers.  Listen if you like.

Light one candle…or a few.

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. ~ Chinese Proverb

Yesterday afternoon the skies became almost nighttime black.  A storm was brewing and it looked ominous.  It hit with a fury — blinding rain, tree-bending wind, and angry thunder.  No problem.  We need the rain.  The temperature dropped to a bearable level.  I love a good summer storm.  I watched for a while from the front door, then settled in with a book.  Shortly the lights went out.

Well, I thought, there’s plenty of daylight left.  The power company will have us up and running before dark.  Sure enough, at about 6:15 the lights came on.  I high-fived the air.  As I lowered my hand the lights flickered and disappeared.

“Be prepared.” I told my best boy scout self.  I stashed my tiny travel flashlight in my pocket and put a candle and lighter on the nearest table.  With cell phone in one hand and reader in the other, I was ready to ride it out.

I LOVE modern technology.  I used my phone to go online and report the power outage.  I  read all my pending email.  (Now I need to respond to some of them.)  I played Solitaire and Sudoku on the reader.  I play those mindless games because they free up my brain and allow me to think.  I recognize that thinking sometimes gets me in trouble, but I do a lot of it all the same.

For obvious reasons, I was thinking last night about light, both figurative and literal light.  Literally, as night fell, I chose to add candles to my table in order to increase the light pool and my sense of visual security.  (See photo above.)  Figuratively, I started to wonder about the definition of light as I’ve perceived it most of my life.  I’m still working on the figurative angle, but my long-held perceptions probably come from religious/spiritual influences via my teachers’ and parents’ lessons on morals and values.

To my way of thinking, if I see the light, that’s a good thing.  It means I know which path to take.  I’m aware that I can cast a good or a bad light on any situation/person/group.  Whether I’m writing a post for my blog or figuring out what to say to someone who has stepped on my toes, if I have a little niggle in my gut that makes me wonder whether I’m doing/writing/saying the right thing, my answer is no.  If I don’t want it done to me, I shouldn’t do it to someone else.  I think of that as using my light in a positive way.

(Deep breath.)  I started this blog as a recently divorced and jilted woman.  Did I always practice what I said in the paragraph above?  No, I did not.  My excuse, if I’m allowed one, is that the pain was unbearable.  I wanted them to hurt as much as I did.  I’m healing now and I’m doing better.  At least I think I am.  That doesn’t mean I’ll stop telling the truth as I see it, but I would prefer not to strike out and hurt anyone else.  That’s not who I am.

(Another deep breath.)  A final note about casting a bad light on others.  Recently, my ten-year-old grandson told me, “Some people are prejudiced.”  I agreed.  We discussed it and I could see that he understood the concept. If your humor or entertainment consists of denigrating others, my boy would call that prejudice.  Have a nice day.

Nothing but blue skies do I see…..