This morning I mowed the back lawn. When I do something as mindless as cutting the grass I often think of mindless things. I was noticing this morning that our recent drought has caused the grass to go dormant. So why is it the weeds don’t go dormant? Should I ditch the grass and cultivate the weeds? They’re quite green and profuse. Once my over-active mind wore that one out, I moved on to other things.
As I pushed the mower from one side of the lawn to the other, I had a beautiful sight to behold at every other crossing–my herb/vegetable/flower garden. How lucky am I to have a little plot of ground where I can have grass and trees and a small garden. I was initially traumatized at having to leave my beautiful mountaintop spot with its amazing views. But I have photographs and many good memories of happy times there. This spot I’m in now is a very good place both literally and figuratively. And fresh tomatoes for lunch. What more do I need.
I think it’s a fairly well-known notion that gratitude is an antidote for sadness and depression. (Notice I didn’t say fact.) When I started to take an antidepressant drug at the beginning of mine and D’s separation, I thought I would have to take it forever, and maybe I will. But I’m getting better emotionally these days so I have been able to cut the dosage in half. My goal is to stop it altogether but I know that goals sometimes have to be adjusted based on circumstances. I’m open to that, too. If you are taking medication to help you through this difficult time, please do not assume that what works for me will be safe for you without advice and assistance from your doctor. Also, please be aware that I have had a great deal of counseling while I’ve been on medication. The combination of meds and counseling has worked for me.
I would be remiss when I speak of gratitude if I didn’t mention that I have three wonderful daughters and nine amazing grandchildren. My family has been my reason for getting up each morning. In fact, they’re the reason I moved back to this hot country called Charlotte. I wanted, and needed, to be near them. There are very few problems that I don’t forget entirely for the time I’m with one or more of my grandchildren. A cup of frozen yogurt and a conversation with a child is about as close to heaven as I can imagine. And forgive my gushing but I am a fortunate mom to have three very accomplished daughters who are my best friends. They have been loving and supportive throughout these past years. I know that wasn’t easy sometimes because I’ve been a basket case. Hopefully, I can now be available to support them when they need me. I love my girls!