A few years ago I never would have imagined buying a car by myself, let alone a house. But I’ve now done both. And I’m very happy with my purchases. I have no idea what cars need or when they need it. So when I bought my new Honda I bought the service package, too. I realize some people think those packages are over-priced and unnecessary but I know myself well enough to know that I need it. And it’s been great! They call me and tell me when it’s about time for me to come for service. And then they show me a list of all the things they did and I pay nothing because I’ve already paid. It’s a no-brainer for me since I don’t really want to know too much about cars.
My house is another matter. I didn’t choose to be “queen” of the house but here I am. Since D traveled a great deal when we were married, I was the one who took care of the maintenance of the house. He took care of the lawn and grounds except for flower beds and vegetable garden. I did the gardens. When I say I took care of the maintenance, I mean, if I could fix it, I did. If not, I called someone. I learned to do a lot of things. I can caulk, paint, wallpaper, fix minor plumbing problems, etc. I like to decorate so doing those things seems like a part of decorating.
Here’s the hard part. I am not physically strong enough to do certain jobs. And I don’t have unlimited funds for hiring help. And if I have a major issue with the house I have no one to help me make decisions. For example, this has been a peculiarly hot summer. My air conditioner hardly ever stops running. It’s ten years old. Since I’ve lived here I’ve had a repairman out twice to work on it. Is it going to go? If it does, do I replace it or do I try to get it rebuilt? A decision I’ll have to make by myself. Ugh.
Even minor problems seem major some times. A wind storm recently broke a branch in one of my backyard trees. If D were here, he would take care of it in 5 minutes with his chain saw. I don’t have a chain saw. Nor do I want one. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Maybe when it dries out this fall, the branch will weigh less and I will be able to pull it down.
I bought myself a cordless electric lawn mower and a weed eater so I’m taking care of the lawn and a small garden. I have to admit that lawns are hard work but I think of it as really good exercise. On the days I mow, I don’t have to go for a walk. When I started mowing a couple of years ago, though, I sent D an e-mail telling him how sincerely I appreciated his mowing our lawns all those years. It occurred to me that I had never realized what hard work it is. I hadn’t properly appreciated him for doing it. I hope he didn’t think I was being a smarta$$ because I wasn’t .
I guess what I’m saying is that if I’m going to be queen, I have to be queen over all of it–the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult. And I have enough faith to know that it will all work out and I’ll be okay. In fact, I am okay.