I’ve been a little down and out for a few days. I’m not sure why but I know that long holiday weekends can do that to me, even Labor Day. (Do other countries have a Labor Day equivalent?) Often normal weekends make me sad. I’ve said this before and meant it, but I have to remind myself from time to time: I am responsible for getting myself out of the doldrums and being happy.
Reading in bed usually helps to put me to sleep, but last night I went looking for something funny to read. I keep this little book of “anguished English” on the bedside table in my guest room. After reading some of it last night, maybe I should relocate it to my bedside. I started reading and laughed so hard I had to get up and go to the john. As Chevy Chase indicated in the quote above, it was literally physical exercise. Whenever I read or hear something funny, I always want to share it with someone else. D used to be my victim, but alas, he didn’t always laugh at my jokes. He did, however, often laugh at me laughing, and that was just as gratifying. I still miss his laughter.
You are my audience of choice today as I share some of Richard Lederer’s funny stuff. Perhaps you’ll get a giggle or two or maybe even a belly laugh.
A newspaper headline: STIFF OPPOSITION EXPECTED TO CASKETLESS FUNERAL PLAN (I have a vision of all the poor stiffs having a sit-in with placards, chanting, “We Want Caskets.” to the tune of “We Want Candy!”)
Another newspaper headline: LOCAL MAN HAS LONGEST HORNS IN TEXAS (If you don’t live in the US, you may not know that Texans think they have the biggest and best everything. The way I see it, this dude is divorced and doesn’t have a girlfriend.)
An ad in a newspaper: For sale–Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. (My mental image is that of a shameless Alaskan Husky with lipstick on, shaking her booty, and for some reason I can’t get the words “hockey mom” out of my head.)
A mutilated metaphor: The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance. (My mental version is a bunch of skinny cows hanging on balconies and street signs in New Delhi. Visions of Dali dance in my head.)
And last, a newspaper headline: FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL (No comment.)
I hope you’re having a good day (or night) wherever you are. Temperature here is low 70s and humidity is way down. This is my kind of weather. Thanks for reading. I wish you lots of laughs.