My life…a project?

It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project. ~ Napoleon Hill

My response to the above quote:  For some of us, it takes more than half.

My life is a series of projects but I don’t know that I have ever thought of my life as one of them.  I don’t know why not as I can make a project of almost anything–mowing the lawn (front yard today, back yard tomorrow), painting the bathroom (This one has been in the planning stages for about four years now.), running errands (I have a specific order so that I make the best use of my time, gas, etc.)  You name it, I can usually create a project around it.

Sometimes my self-confidence is greater than my ability, especially artistic projects such as the one pictured here, which is now underway.  I’m reading a book called The Scent of God: A Memoir by Beryl Singleton Bissell.  As I was reading today, I highlighted the following passage: …I possessed an outsized sense of my abilities and set to work with gusto.  There is so much me in that statement that I laughed aloud when I read it.  I start out with grand ideas of a masterpiece and usually end up with “adequate.”  I seldom, if ever, meet my own expectations, but I do get compliments, and even praise, from others.
Of course many of my projects are for church and church folks are usually nice, and grateful for my effort.  Knowing that maybe they are just being nice helps me to keep a perspective, but it doesn’t slow me down at all because I must create and play with color.  It’s intrinsic; it’s who I am.  I don’t have a choice.

What about the project that is my life?  I’m not a list maker.  Well, I make mental lists all the time but I seldom write them out.  Maybe I should.  I don’t know.  I think making lists, mental or otherwise, is a way of stating goals.  Over the years I’ve made and achieved numerous goals.  I have to admit to you and to myself, though, that my retirement has not always been goal-specific.  In other words, I haven’t made a project of it.  I consider that a mistake and I’m working to change it.  Take heed, you readers who are younger than I.  That would be most of you. 🙂

This paragraph would go under the heading of “thinking out loud.”  Thank you for indulging me.  I think it has taken me longer than average to get beyond the fairy tale aspect of my marriage and life in general.  I always thought of my ex as “the love of my life.”  That sounds absurd to me now.  It’s as if I made him my project.  Does that make sense?  That must have put a hell of a lot of pressure on him and our marriage.  My goal/project should have been our goal–our marriage, our life together.  When it turned out that we no longer had that common goal, it would have been nice if we could have talked about it.  We didn’t.  It is done.  Now I must remind myself that I would not have learned all these  lessons by staying in what had become a stagnant relationship.

Note:  My blogger friend Kim has a list of her favorite books on her blog.  That’s where I found the memoir I mentioned above.  Check it out.