More bits and pieces.

A broken heart is what makes life so wonderful–five years later.                              ~ Phyllis Battelle

When I look at the last couple of posts I’ve written I realize that they may sound sad and maybe even seem to you like  I’m stepping backward again.  But I’m not going backward.  I’m healthy enough now to take an incident from the bad times, examine it and then put it on the shelf.  They are sometimes sad incidents but I’m able to look at them with less jaundiced eyes than I could have done earlier.  Some of this has to do with the passage of time.  Some of it, I think, has to do with my almost unmedicated state.  I am now taking only one-fourth the antidepressant that I was taking before.  You may remember that I had already cut back to a half dosage some months ago.  I have now for some time been taking half the half.  I hope to get rid of the small dose one day soon.  If I don’t–so be it.  Easy does it is key.  But back to the sad happenings from the past.  Sometimes they just come into my head unannounced and I can now analyze them without going into a tailspin as I once would have done.  I think this is a good thing.

Next bit:  I think the cicadas are gone.  I went outside this morning and heard the buzz but it wasn’t very loud.  This afternoon I didn’t hear them at all.  Buzz-free ears.  Aaaahhh.  Nice.  I have to say I didn’t spend much time out today because the temperature was 95 or 96 at its peak.  So I spent the afternoon cleaning and reorganizing the pantry.  I haven’t finished yet.  I may be in there knee-deep in the mess at midnight.

I’m trying to accomplish several things with this clean and purge.  It has become such a mess that I’m almost afraid to open the door.  A number of things are outdated and need to be thrown out.  Some things can be donated to the food pantry.  They are constantly asking for non-perishables for people in need.  But I guess the main reason is that I’m trying to learn to eat a plant-based diet and I don’t want to be tempted.  I’ve been trying to practice this new way of living and eating for about a week now and I’m already feeling better.

If you are a vegan and have suggestions for me, I would love to hear from you.  I have already realized that there are two areas where I’m going to feel deprived. It’s going to be difficult for me to give up cheese.  That’s number one, and number two, I have quite a sweet tooth.  I started feeling so deprived this afternoon that I went to my local health food store and got a chunk of something that looks like cheddar and tastes pretty darn good and a slice of vegan carrot cake.  The carrot cake is as good as, if not better than, any carrot cake I’ve eaten.  I had a cup of Stash chocolate hazelnut decaf tea with it.  Felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.

Last piece:  I think maybe I’m a piece of work.  Take that however you wish.  I mostly love my life and all’s well.