Divorce–the “gift” that keeps on giving.

The painting on the left is called  Transluscent Fragments of a Broken Family.  The painter is Kenneth Agnello.  Click here for information on buying the original.  I find the painting both haunting and beautiful.  Perhaps that’s a good thing.  It makes me feel hopeful on some indefinable level.

I recently declared myself finished with divorce (on this site).  Okay, I didn’t say that to you, but I whispered it to myself.  I thought I could no longer be hurt by it.  I discovered last weekend that even though the divorce no longer has power over me, that is, power to hurt me as it once did, still I hurt when a child or a grandchild is hurting as a result of the actions of other parties involved.

On Saturday, my ex-husband D and his lady-love got married.  That’s fine.  I wish them happiness.  Really, I do.  Here’s the thing–they chose not to invite one of his stepdaughters to the wedding.  The other two were invited.  That meant that one young teenage granddaughter who would have liked going and being there with her cousins could not attend because her little segment of the family was excluded.  She reacted with anger, but it was not anger she was feeling.  The show of anger was a cover for the inner pain she was suffering.

I cannot begin to imagine what sort of thinking went into their decision; I can only conclude that the D I lived with and loved those many years would never have imposed that sort of punishment on an innocent child.  How I wish I could have protected her.

Tonight I am sad.  Once again I have a tear in my eye.  I thought I had shed them all.

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20 thoughts on “Divorce–the “gift” that keeps on giving.

  1. Glad my painting found relevance to your situation, however distressing. But, then, all art must communicate, even if it reaches only a select few with its intent. Best to you–we all struggle to recover from the cards we didn’t deal ourselves–some more slowly than others. Ken Agnello

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    • Hi Kenneth. Thank you kindly for your comments. Initially it was the colors in your painting that drew my eye. I have looked at it many times since and am drawn into it on a visceral level but still the colors soothe me. You have a gift. I visited your site again today. Your use of color thrills my soul. I think of color as a sort of music for the eyes. I love both. Thanks, again.

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  2. This is such a shame and I hope it is something they will one day reflect on with regret. Good for you for rising above this, wishing them well and maybe a little secret hope that they realise their misjudgement in not inviting your granddaughter.

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  3. Firsly, I am so impressed with how far you’ve come to be able to wish D happiness in this marriage. Secondly, it does sound like these people are just thoughtless imbeciles. Perhaps you could treat your grand-daughter to a special party with her cousins?
    Just a thougt… x

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  4. Divorce leaves so many sharp, jagged edges with the power to hurt a lot of people. The feeling of rejection is so destructive. You are powerless, but can’t the girl’s sisters talk to their parents, to explain how hurtful this is to her? Pray for forgiveness and reconciliation.

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  5. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I understand your desire to protect your granddaughter. How sad that your ex still has his head in his ass. It’s probably never coming out.
    -DJ

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