Watching Reba reruns.

Reruns are wonderful because it usually indicates that they had something going for them to begin with and that’s why you’re still looking at them.      ~ Mary Tyler Moore

My ex and I used to watch Reba reruns together.  The show is set in Houston, Texas, and stars Reba McEntire as a wisecracking single mother whose dentist ex-husband Brock has left her to marry young, ditzy Barbra Jean after an affair with her.  (Source: Wikipedia)  In the early shows, Brock’s pet name for Barbra Jean is BJ.  Now isn’t that subtle and original?

I’m not a big fan of country music but I do think that Reba’s better than most.  I never watched her show when it originally aired.  I had heard it was funny but I didn’t know which channel it was on and never bothered to find out.  Later, when I started watching the reruns I was blown away by her sense of humor.  Well, that could have been her writers, but her comedic timing wasn’t.  When I started watching I remember thinking that maybe she had missed her calling and should have been doing comedy all along.  She’s that good.  She delivers her one-line zingers like a pro and to this day I laugh gleefully and unreservedly even though I already know what she’s going to say.  In fact, I probably find them even funnier today than I did back when I first heard them because they are usually directed at Barbra Jean–or should I say BJ?  She also aims a fair share of her clever insults at the narcissistic Brock who sometimes “gets it” and sometimes doesn’t.  He may be a blade, but he’s not the sharpest one in the drawer.

Okay, back to my original statement:  D and I used to watch Reba reruns together.  I looked for the show, found the channel, started laughing, and you know what they say about laughter.  It’s contagious.  And so D joined my “Reba fests.”  I think I speak for him when I say that he, too, found the show entertaining and funny.  Sometimes I wonder if it was this show that gave him the idea that divorce would be fun.  Reba and her cast made it look like fun.

After our separation and divorce I continued to watch Reba and still do to this day but I acknowledge that I see it from a slightly different perspective now than when I watched with D.  Sometimes I tear up for Reba, the character, because I know how she feels despite the fact that she makes jokes.  So often humor is born of hardship and sadness.  Right or wrong, that’s how I see her character now.

At the beginning of the end, when D was leaving, he told me he would like to remain friends.  I think that would be nice, too, but it would take a great deal of kindness and forgiveness and love and desire on the part of all parties.  Maybe one day.  Right now I don’t see D having the freedom he thought he would have, and he has to feel free to be my friend.  It seems a shame to allow thirty plus years of friendship to be flushed down the toilet.  Maybe.  One day.  We’ll talk again.

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18 thoughts on “Watching Reba reruns.

  1. he wants it but I cannot do the friendship thing. It cuts me up. If anything i have learned for my life going forward it is only to do now what feels right for me … after years of thinking of what was right for him.

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  2. Pat, I do find that loosing a good friend is part of the sadness that comes with separating from your spouse, and can imagine the depths of yours after 30+ years: The loss!
    I do hope that one day, you can talk again, and who knows watch more of those re-runs together.
    x

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    • That was an awesome show. I was married at the time with three daughters and I was cheering her on from the sidelines. I think that show made tremendous gains for women’s rights. And yes, the song was perfect. The hat toss, too.

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  3. I saw an episode or two of Reba’s show a few years ago and I remember the humor. I also remember thinking that it was a wonderful display of the “evolution” (i love that word!) of a family… given the situation and the lack of outright animosity, I thought they set a good example.

    My ex-husband and I were friends from the get-go, even though he cheated and moved his OW in the day after I left. We maintained a healthy respect for each other and accepted the fact that our relationship had been over for a long time.

    I recently decided that I will not be friends with ex-BF. I’m almost disappointed in myself, given my perspective on all of *this*. And after the extreme closeness we shared, it makes me sad. However, I can’t reward his ongoing lack of respect for me with my attention or affection of any kind. I don’t like the person he’s currently choosing to be. He’s not a healthy presence in my life.

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    • Hi Tara. I agree with you that the Reba family is a part of the evolution (It’s a good word.) of the modern family. I think it was Margaret Mead who said that the “one life, one love (spouse) paradigm was on the way out.” It’s a bit archaic, isn’t it. We live so much longer than we once did.

      I respect your decision to un-friend your ex-BF. Some behavior is simply not acceptable and you can choose not to participate in it. Good for you. I admire your intelligent way of taking care of yourself.

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  4. Thanks, Kim. Good advice. I’ve always been comfortable with him when she’s not around. He’s a totally different person when he’s alone. I’m not sure what that says about his relationship with her but I guess it’s not my problem.

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  5. I loved this post and you are so right, you do see things differently. Still to this day there are some pieces of music I can’t listen to without feeling the tears well – they just have such strong memories attached to them. Because I have Spencer I still have a fair bit of contact with his Dad but it still feels a little strange. It’s no longer uncomfortable to go to parents evenings with him or a school concert. We can sit and chat but I don’t know if it is possible to call it friendship. For us anyway it just seems a bridge too far. We have moved on and don’t have the same commonality and also, some of the past still hurts and although I think of myself as a forgiving person (Lord do I try!) there is a part of me that has been changed by the past.

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    • Thanks, Jacqueline. I’m glad you can chat with him at Spencer’s school functions. That sets a good example for your son. Speaking of Spencer–I just finished reading “The Ballad of Tom Dooley” by Sharyn McCrumb. At the end of the novel there’s a section of author’s comments. In her comments, Ms McCrumb notes that her son Spencer helped her with some of the research. I thought that was cool since I had just been reading your blog about your Spencer’s birthday. It’s not a name you hear every day. That’s why I like it. 🙂

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  6. I wasn’t a Country music fan until recently, thanks to my daughter who just loves it. But I was a fan of Reba’s show from the beginning. Then I couldn’t watch it for some time after my Discovery day, but I am stronger now and I can laugh at the jokes again. I love the jabs at Brock and Barbra Jean. My husband and I are nowhere near being able to sit together to watch it, and he now hates the show, but I still love it. Funny he loved it when he was in the affair and keeping it all a big secret from me.

    If I end up divorcing my husband, I doubt I could ever be his friend. I don’t have enough years left to live to be able to go through enough therapy for that. But if anyone can do it, it would be you, Pat.

    Love & prayers,
    DJ

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    • Hi Caroline. I’ve been thinking about you today. I know the aftershock of seeing him yesterday must be unsettling. I knew you would understand how I’m feeling about the lost friendship. It still hurts. I guess it always will.

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    • Hi Angie. Thanks for your comment. I know that some divorces are friendly but it can’t be easy at first. D used to be very friendly with me whenever his ow wasn’t with him. Now he kinda acts like he’s scared of her. Oh, well. I can truthfully say that I’m glad I’m no longer married to him but I would like to chat once in a while when we’re both at a grandchild’s game, party, etc.

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