Lonely and blue.

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I couldn’t go to sleep last night. I got out of bed at 1:00 am. I hate when that happens. Most of the time these days (nights) I fall asleep fairly promptly after reading for a while. When my ex first left I would go for days without sleeping. My doctor looked at me with his most serious face and told me, “You have to sleep.” Then he told me all that would eventually go wrong if I didn’t start sleeping. He even pointed out that I was suffering from a broken heart and that I probably needed some help with the insomnia. I guess it’s good to remember that from time to time so that I can recognize how much better I am now. I have to say, though, that I still feel as if some evil spirit has me in its grip when I can’t go to sleep. Insomnia lies in wait to ambush me and remind me that I truly am alone, and sometimes very blue about it.

I suppose the good thing about living alone is that I can get up at any hour and do whatever I feel like doing without worrying about disturbing another poor soul. I got up and googled lonely. That’s how I found this lovely blue picture. Now I don’t know what you get when you google lonely but one thing that came up high on my screen was information from the Lonely Planet travel people. I think it makes perfect sense for Lonely Planet to appear but I was a bit disconcerted surprised when it pointed me specifically to Peru. Big Brother knows I’m going to Peru. Okay, okay, I know there isn’t really anything sinister about it. It’s simply the high-tech times in which we live. I remember a time when we had some semblance of privacy. Then again, maybe not. Maybe we just thought we did. I guess it’s not a problem unless I’m doing something I don’t want anyone to know about. I don’t think I am. Really.

I got a little nostalgic when a song from my teen years popped up. I hit the YouTube arrow and listened to Paul Anka singing “Lonely Boy.” I’m just a lonely boy, lonely and blue. I’m all alone with nothing to do. I’ve got everything you can think of. But all I want is someone to love. Substitute girl for boy and this is a perfect description of me. Well maybe not. I’m a long way from being a teenager and I’m not at all sure I want someone to love. Someone to like, maybe, a buddy, a pal, a friend. Someone to hang out with and do things and go places.

It’s nine o’clock and I think I should go to bed early tonight. Catch up on lost sleep. Oh! One more thing I found as I googled last night–Did you know that if I get too lonely, I can meet a lonely inmate online, male or female? I am excited silly to know that.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. My mom used to say that to me.

40 thoughts on “Lonely and blue.”

  7. Sorry to hear you’re lonely. With my three girls around so much of the time, I yearn to be a little lonely sometimes. Of course, if I end up lonely, I’ll yearn for the times when my girls are nagging me all the time. Hrrmpphh!

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    • Thanks, SD. The loneliness comes and goes. Mostly it goes these days. It’s most likely to rear its ugly head when I can’t sleep.

      When all three of my girls were still at home, I used to long for a little quiet time. I was teaching full time back then so dealing with teenagers all day and then more of the same at night was trying. One huge benefit of that arrangement, though, was that I became very grateful for my own teenagers. I discovered that they really were much nicer than some of the unfortunate ones I was teaching. And yes you will miss their nagging.

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  8. After my father died, my mother would often awaken and not be able to sleep. She spoke of playing the piano at two or three o’clock. The old Baptist hymns would give her solace.

    I do hope you can find a friend, a REAL friend who lives nearby. Someone who might pop in unannounced bringing lunch. A friend you can call on the spur of the moment and who will be glad to go to a movie, or take a drive to an interesting place. Should something happen to my husband, I know I would also wish for a buddy who lived nearby. With your personality, wit, and interests, I just know you will find one.

    BTW: Oh, do I remember “Lonely Boy!”

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    • Thanks, Uta. I love the language comparisons. I think when a soft-voiced mom says it, it doesn’t much matter what she says. That and the touch of my mom’s Jergens lotion hand had a way of sending me right off to “la la land.”

      I sometimes remember my dreams. I wrote about some of my more scary ones on this blog once. I don’t have time to find it for you right now but will try to remember to do so soon. Right now I’m trying to take care of as much correspondence as possible so I can to my daughter’s house for a Valentine’s Day celebration. I won’t be lonely or blue this evening. 🙂

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  10. ‘Don’t let the bedbugs bite’. I heard people say this here in Australia.
    But my mum didn’t say this as she was German. What German people often say is: ‘Angenehmes Floh-Beissen!” which means ‘Pleasant flee-bites!’ If someone said this to you jokingly, in a very happy voice, wouldn’t this make you feel at ease so that you could sleep well? Naturally you would never think there was any danger of flee-bites! You’d know straight away this was meant as a joke. Same as you knew the bedbugs wouldn’t bite if you wouldn’t let them!
    I think ‘sweet dreams’ is what our daughter always said to her children.
    My mum would say to us ‘schlaft schön’ meaning ‘sleep well’ and we would say to our children the same either in German or English.
    When you wake up, do you remember your dreams? Maybe you’d like to write some of them down? I don’t usually have very sweet dreams.and I forget them before I can write them down.
    I wish you, dear Pat, some very restful nights and very pleasant, sweet dreams!
    Cheerio, Uta

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  12. Oh, Pat, so sorry about the restless night. I had a couple of those nights recently for no apparent reason, which is not like me. Just couldn’t sleep. But I’m usually the one that can sleep anytime. Next time you have one of those nights, try calling me on my cell. If I’m awake we can talk about it and that will make you sleepy. Really. I will use my best monotone. Or maybe we will just meet up in the wee hours at IHOP! lol. Oh, and my Mom said the bedbug thing too, but the way things are today, I just say “Sweet Dreams.” And Sweet Dreams to you Pat. Lovely post… you are a great writer.

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    • Thanks, Brenda. I slept like a log last night. Woke up this am, went to the bathroom, looked at the clock, crawled back in for another hour. Sweet!

      Giggle–I haven’t heard your best monotone. Can’t wait for a demonstration.

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  13. I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep. But I’m glad you wrote this blog. It’s so well written. Really worth reading. Thanks so much for sharing, dear Pat.

    What sort of books do you read. What movies have you seen recently and with whom? Would you want to write about it? Do you like going for walks? What do you experience when walking? Want to write about it?

    Do you like taking pictures? Would you want to publish more of your own pictures?

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  16. My Mom used to say that, too. I said it to my kids…and grandkids. Well, I’m sorry your lonely and blue. Both are transient but it’s hard to remember that in the when your in the thick of it. Especially at night. Hope you have a good night.

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