With this post I step outside my comfort zone. I started this blog by writing about my divorce. But hey! Wait a minute. Maybe Calista is right down my alley. She is after all a poster child for the American OW aka other woman. When I first heard the news that Newt was going to run for president, I thought, “Are you kidding?!” Wasn’t he tarred and feathered a long time ago? Left the city in shame. Good luck with that, Newt. I’m thinking about a snowball’s chance in hell.
As Newt’s publicity increased, I noticed that his third wife Calista was always by his side. Was she afraid he would cut and run with number four? So… her ubiquitousness (My spell check doesn’t like that word, but I do.) was the first thing I noticed about her, but once I started to pay attention and realize that The Lizard really would run, I began to notice she was wearing a hat. Hmmm. That’s rather unusual at a political rally. A baseball cap maybe, but a hat? It is so unusual that one night during the newscast I got really close to the TV (I don’t have a giant screen and my eyesight is not what it once was.), and I carefully scrutinized Calista’s hat. Holy crap! That little white feather on the left side wasn’t a feather. It was her hair! How does she do that?
Now that I know the truth I would like to ask some questions of Calista and/or her hairdresser: Whose idea was the helmet? Don’t you know that no one looks good in a helmet, not even football players. I read somewhere on the internet that your hair must be colored every two weeks so the roots won’t show, and that the cost each time is at least $300. Is that true? I also read that your goal is that your hair look exactly the same at every public appearance. Why? If it’s ugly today, it will be just as ugly tomorrow. And in order for it to always look the same, you would have to have a practically full-time hairdresser. How much exactly is your hair costing you? And wouldn’t you rather spend it at Tiffany & Co.? If you didn’t spend so much money on your hair, you wouldn’t have to run up your charge account at that high-dollar store. This question is for the hairdresser: What kind of hair glue do you use to make that little hairy feather stay in place? My bangs keep falling in my face. And I’m thinking that stuff, whatever it is, would solve my problem. On second thought, never mind. I kinda like for my hair to move.
One last thing before I go, I saw a photo of you in a blue suit and you were wearing a very attractive necklace. It looked like a David Yurman. Was it? I don’t think Tiffany carries DY.