This holiday season gives new meaning to roller coaster, merry-go-round, and other rides that might come to mind. I’m only about halfway through it and am starting to wonder if I’ll make it to the finish line. What the hell is going on?!
Depression has revisited me with a vengeance. I have a hard time understanding and dealing with it. And I can never figure out if my various (but minor) physical woes are the result or the cause of the depression. Today, for example, my body decided I should have a stomach upset accompanied by the usual symptoms that travel with the tummy bug. Gross! And I’ve been eating so well, so healthfully. Enough of that, I’m sure you’ll agree. I’ve certainly had enough of it. Oh, but first–I must mention that I am already dealing with some kind of nasal and throat grunge.
I’m hoping (and trying) to learn something from my present difficulties. I’ve shopped for fewer than half the gifts I want to buy. My brain is screaming: Simplify! Simplify! Simplify! The question is: Will I choose to listen once I start to feel better? I am counting on feeling better one day. 🙂 I hope I will. I’ve already roped and tied up the old decorating me and she’s not even struggling. The tree is up, thanks to the children. I made an executive decision not to display all the Santas and the silk holly and the music boxes, etc., as I have done in the past. I’m trying to decide how much of it I’m willing to get rid of now rather than later. I’m hoping my children and grandchildren will want some of it. If not, do I still have (at my age!) the ovaries to sell it on eBay or at a consignment shop?
It is incredibly labor-intensive to unpack it, decorate, and then store it properly after the season ends. Do I have any desire to do it another year? I don’t think I do. I don’t want to trash anything while I’m in a depressed state–or do I? Maybe thinking about all the work is what caused the depression.
Meanwhile I keep posting silly greeting cards in the hope that you won’t give up on me or forget about me while I desperately seek to get my groove back. If I were really optimistic, I would be hoping for mojo, but the realistic me will settle for the groove.
Thank you for reading.
The photo above is not another Christmas card, it’s my front door.