Waiting–pages from my diary.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. ~ Marie Curie

Tuesday, October 11–I went to a new primary care physician today.  She’s an intelligent doctor and she did a thorough examination and asked all the right questions.  My reason for this visit was to check out the possibility that I might have an ulcer.  I was having symptoms that indicated that might be my problem.  I had been  miserable for quite some time.  Dr. M agreed that she, too, thought it was probably an ulcer.  She gave me meds to tide me over while we wait for the blood test results. No surprising news there.

Part of my physical was, of course, a breast exam.  She stopped midway through the examination of my left breast and asked, “Have you felt this?  Do you do self-exams?”  I confessed that I only occasionally do the self check.  She had me feel what she was talking about and yes, there was a mass that I had  not detected.  She ordered a diagnostic mammogram.  And now the waiting begins.  Radiology is to call me to set up an appointment.  Why can’t I call them and set up the damn appointment!

This is one of those times when it’s difficult being divorced and living alone.  I tried not to cry as I drove home.  As soon as I got inside my house, I sat down and let it all out.

Wednesday, October 12–The doctor’s office told me to call scheduling today if I hadn’t heard from them.  I waited until after lunch and then made the call.  They were as helpful as they knew how to be but told me they had no order for my mammogram and since it’s a diagnostic mammogram, it has to come from the doctor.  All this after jumping through the usual telephone acrobatics that go with today’s medical services.  I called the doctor’s office and told them of my findings.  And then I think I made a bad decision.  I told her to cancel the order to that hospital and send it instead to the other hospital.  My reasoning was that apparently the first one didn’t have their act together and my doctor’s office is a part of the second hospital so that would keep all communication in the same house, so to speak.  Little did I know.

Thursday, October 13–I’ve cooled my jets all day today.  Don’t want to be obsessive about this.  After all, it could be nothing.  But here’s the thing, I’m the type of person who wants and needs to confront the problem once I know there is a problem.  Waiting for other people to act curtails my ability to meet the issue head on.  Frustrating.

Friday, October 14–Okay I’m obsessing again.  Called scheduling at the second hospital.  Was on hold for longer than I liked, with constant recorded reminders that they would be with me soon and they respected the value of my time.  Finally, a live person who told me they had not received the order.  Sigh.  Back to the doctor’s office to ask why.  Fortunately I don’t have a problem with high blood pressure as I can feel myself getting strident as I speak to the first person who answers the phone.  Sorry.  The third (I think)  person I talked with sorta/kinda explained it and said someone would call me back today.  It’s 4:30 and I haven’t heard a word.  But it’s okay.  I’m chillin’.  I’m cool.  No telling how long said spot has been there.  It can wait a while longer. 🙂

6:00 pm–Went to the Latino band rehearsal.  I do this every Friday evening so I can prepare my power point for Sunday morning.  The side effect is that I feel totally at peace when I’m in that place with those wonderful people.  They even let me sing along from my computer station in the back of the room.  God is good.

To be continued.


13 thoughts on “Waiting–pages from my diary.

  1. Hang in there Pat. I am sending you good positive thoughts. It is not in our control so try as best as you can to just take a deep breath in that moment, I know it is easier said than done. You said it best..God is Good. Take Care.


  2. just now reading this. i’m gonna need you to tell me this stuff in person or on the phone. don’t check in on blogs everyday. let me know if i can go with you.
    UGH. doctors can make you crazy.


  3. Oh Pat, how dreadful! I had no idea this was going on. There is nothing worse than waiting in this sort of situation. I too find it unbearable. You are not alone, I see that a real life friend is getting in touch, and just know we are all “here” right behind you.


  4. Thank you, Ducks. Grrrrrrrr is exactly the word I’ve been looking for . I made a decision not to fret anymore and so far I’m not. Hope you won’t either but thanks giving it a go for me. Blogworld support has been just what the doctor ordered (sorry for the dr. reference).


  5. I hate this kind of thing. We tend to take our health for granted and when someone says there may be a problem I start fretting. I’m fretting now because I don’t know the results of your tests so God knows what it’s like for you. As fr the hospital admin. Grrrrrrrrr


  6. Thanks, Caroline, Tish, and Brenda, for your encouraging words. I’m fine. I’m compartmentalizing. Everything’s on hold. I’m sane, well as sane as I ever am. 🙂 Heading out for M’s soccer game in a little while.


  7. I am so sorry this is happening to you. this weekend must be endless as you wait for business hours on Monday. My hope and prayer is that it is a harmless cist and you will find that out from the diagnostic mammogram. The good thing here is that (if your team is like mine) you will find out the result immediately after the exam – no waiting. Please call me after church tomorrow.


  8. Oh Pat I totally understand, I’m the same as you. I want action and now when I’m ill. I am hopeless at waiting.
    I’m sure everything will be fine. Glad you found some peace.



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