When I lived in the mountains I knew a man named John who had the same attitude as Ms Kubler-Ross in the comment above. No matter how bad the circumstance he found himself in he would always say, “I wonder what I’m supposed to learn from this.” I never had any doubt that he really meant it. I remember thinking about John’s positive attitude when my ex dropped his news and then moved out. I wanted to feel that way; to learn something of value from this nightmarish experience. At the beginning of the process I didn’t think there was anything valuable to learn. It seemed like an enormous pipe dream full of elusive wisdom. Nothing that would be within my grasp any time soon.
The rewards I was to reap did escape my grasp for a long time. And I know now that I never could have imagined what lessons I was to learn. I will probably repeat some that I’ve mentioned before but sometimes it’s good for me to remind myself what they are. I have learned that I don’t need someone else to take care of me. I can take care of myself. If I could do it all again with the same spouse, I think I would be easier to get along with than before. I like to think that D would be too, but I can’t speak for him. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t worry about insignificant “stuff” that happens on a day-to-day basis. By taking care of all the daily minutia with no one to help, I recognize that it’s all just stuff that has to be dealt with one thing at a time. When the insurance company recently gave me the check for repairs needed on my home I contracted the companies to do the work and even came in a little under budget. I can do this. I will never again expect another person to be responsible for my happiness and well-being. No amount of money and no other human being can do that for me.
When I first embarked on this unwanted journey I could not have called this disruption a blessing. But I can look at it now and see the gifts and grace I have received these past few years (almost five now) and be grateful for where I am and who I am today. Perhaps this experience will help me through unanticipated difficulties in the future. I am a grateful camper and life is good.