Do unto others. Or not?

Make a careful list of all things done to you that you abhorred.  Don’t do them to others, ever. ~ Dee Hock, Founder of VISA

Those of us who are surviving/have survived unwanted divorce have a rather lengthy list of abhorrent things done unto us.  Most of the time I classify myself as one who has survived.  But every once in a while something new comes up that triggers my anger all over again.  When the anger kicks in , the desire for revenge kicks in, and momentarily I feel as if I’m back at square one.

This week I had to pay more than $900 in back taxes on a piece of property here in town.  The tax collector’s office tells me that the parcel was deeded to me only in 2008.  Up until that time it belonged to both my ex and me.  The deal was that it would remain in both our names until he had finished paying his monetary obligation to me as stated in the settlement.  Once he paid the debt, I was responsible for transferring the property to him.  The debt was due the day the divorce was final.  I’ve waited for three years now thinking that we both owned said property and that since it was attached to another tract and house that belonged to him, probably D was paying the taxes.  He wasn’t.  I realize I would have owed half the taxes either way but that sort of thing is usually ironed out at closing.  And now D is saying that since I own the property he doesn’t have to pay the remainder of his debt.  Excuse me!  I don’t want the property or the taxes that go with it.  I want the money.

I’m spitting nails and trying to talk myself into whatever is right in this situation.  But the larger question is:  Does his interference in my life ever end?   Thank you for reading.


10 thoughts on “Do unto others. Or not?

  1. So frustrating. I hope the ripple effects of this stop rippling out to your daily life now soon. It seems it ought be about time. :/


  2. Sorry to hear this Pat. Funny or rather sad how one “little” thing can trigger back all those nasty, angry thoughts we thought we managed to push back, and let go of. I hope this is just a fleeting moment, and things will work out.



  3. Check your divoce papers – you had a sharp attorney so I’ll bet she protected you on this. That land was yours at the time of the divoice, so he probably owes you for half the land AND the money. Do unto others? No, just stop them from doing unto you.


    • Hi B. Actually, giving him the property was part of the settlement but I wouldn’t sign over my half-ownership until he finished paying me. He was supposed to pay me when the divorce was final. He didn’t have it. I know that the settlement papers protect me but I have reached the stage where I just want all of this over with. I wrote this in frustration over having to withdraw money from retirement to pay an overdue tax bill that I shouldn’t even owe. He later told me he would pay me when he sold the Haywood house but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. And now this year’s tax bill will be due next month. It just goes on and on. I feel like curling up in a fetal position–outside–on the hammock–that way I won’t need to turn the electric blanket up to nine because it’s that hot outside already. LOL.


  4. I’ll be honest, I don’t fully follow this but I hate sneaky wheeler deelers and it looks as if your ex has pulled some sort of fast one. Bills you didn’t know you had are the last thing you need. You have my sympathy. 😦


  5. Oh poor you! Can’t your lawyer do anything. This seems more than unjust – it’s down-right nasty. It never ceases to amaze me that the one that cheates, lies and behaves with such a lack of moral backbone over their marriage then becomes deceitful over everything else.

    That’s the trouble isn’t it – once they’ve lied and cheated about one thing it becomes a habit and they start doing it all the time.
    Hugs – hope you manage to sort this out to your advantage.


    • Thanks, Caroline. See note to B below if you care to.

      As to the lying and cheating, I really think this might have been D’s friend LB who caused this problem. He and I never really liked each other. I didn’t trust him at all. i always thought he was dishonest. He died several months ago and I can’t confront him but I really would like to.


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