Dreams.

I was thinking of a series of dreams.     Where nothing comes up to the top.  Everything stays down where it’s wounded.  And comes to a permanent stop…

In one, I was running, and in another          All I seemed to be doing was climb.               ~ Bob Dylan

I dream in Technicolor.  Dreams fascinate me.  Sometimes I understand immediately what the message is supposed to be.  Other times I’m left puzzled.  I’ve never had anyone analyze a dream for me.  After D left, I recorded some of my more poignant dreams in my journal.

On February 6, 2007, I recorded this one:  D pulled up to a curb to let me out of the car.  I think it was my car because the step down was a big one like that of a Trailblazer.  Once I stepped out of the car I had to keep stepping down, down.  There was no flat surface to steady  myself.  There were no stairs, no rope or handrail, just irregular downward steps and no turning back.  He didn’t say anything to me nor I to him.  He just stopped the car and indicated that I should get out.  No explanation.  No promise to come back for me.  No offer to help me down that terrifying descent.  This one still shocks me today and makes me sad.  It explains perfectly what happened and how I felt about it.  I don’t need a dream analyst to tell me what it means.  Keep in mind this dream took place less than two months after he told me he wanted a divorce.  Though I still had hopes of a reconciliation, I must have known in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen.  Unlike some of my dreams, I dreamed this one only once.  Once was enough.  I don’t know whether I will ever erase it from memory.

I have a number of recurring dreams.  Some of them are negative, frustrating experiences.  But I have one that is positive and upbeat and I love to wake up after dreaming it.  The dream:  I can fly.  But not in the traditional way.  I don’t soar through the air like an eagle or Wonder Woman.  I levitate a few feet off the ground and I flit from place to place like a butterfly.  I’m very fast.  And I love doing it.  I find it interesting that the other people in the dream don’t seem to think anything of it.  It’s as if it’s a normal thing to do even though I’m the only one who has this ability.  I think one of the oddest things about this flying phenomenon is that I’m upright, erect, head up, feet down.  I never fail to wake up wishing I could really do this.  Remember this is an ongoing dream that I have had for years.  Interesting thing though is that I quit having it for the first couple of years after D left.  Now it’s back and I’m so happy about that.

Sometimes I think I might like to have a dream guru analyze this last one for me.  But I’m not sure.  I wouldn’t want to take any of the joy out of it.  Or stop it entirely.  I know that flying is in the category called lucid dreams.  This means that the dreamer becomes aware that she’s dreaming.  I wonder what an analyst would make of the fact that I fly upright.  Hmmm.  I’ve told you my dreams (well, a small sampling) now you have permission to tell me yours.

It’s after 11:00.  I’m going to bed.  Sweet dreams.

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