First, an aside: Paul Simon has released a new CD called So Beautiful or So What. Rewrite is one of the songs on it. If you’re a fan of his, you’re going to love this one.
The words to this song struck a chord with me. (Pun intended.) I think I’ve been working on my rewrite since D left me. All of us who are going through major life changes are rewriting what we thought would be the ending. I was in a comfortable situation with D and expected to live the rest of my life with him. In the blink of an eye on December 29, 2006, that all changed. His wish for a divorce and a life with another woman forced a rewrite. I had no desire for that kind of change and I resisted it with every ounce of energy in me.
I’ve always thought that change is, or can be, good. But I’ve preferred to have some say in what sort of change I would accept. Wasn’t I naive? Life isn’t like that. When I think about it, I have very little control over what happens to me. And there’s something freeing in acknowledging that lack of control. Life happened while I was trying to micromanage it. Wonder of wonders, I’m happy with that now. Learning to accept the things I cannot change is a lesson I might not have been able to truly grasp had I not suffered through an unwanted divorce.
I’ve heard people say they wouldn’t have chosen to go through this or that pain but now that it’s over, they are grateful for it. There was a time when I thought that was wacky thinking. I don’t think that any longer. In fact, I have reached a level in my life where I can say the same thing most of the time. I still have down days but most of them are happy and many are even joyful. Much better than the last couple of years of my marriage.
So I’m still working on my rewrite, the ending continues to change and I’ll let you know when I figure out the new title. I’ve already thrown the old one in the trash.