“Fearlessly be yourself.”

My neighbor's dianthus.

“There is only one you for all time.  Fearlessly be yourself. ~ Anthony Rapp

I seem to have, these days, a deep psychological need to be myself.  I hope I can figure out what, or who, that is.

When I was a young child and a teenager, I had a number of teachers who told me they liked me and enjoyed having me in class because I was not pretentious.  I was straight forward.  I was consistently the same personality.  They didn’t have to wonder which Pat was going to be in class from day-to-day.  I was who I was.  I never understand quite what they were trying to tell me at the time, especially the young child version of me.  But I understood that they were bestowing a special something upon me.

I now understand clearly what they were saying.  I hope I have kept some of that quality about me throughout my adulthood.  I know, however, that I haven’t always done it well.  There were times when I put on various masks in order to be the person I thought my ex-husbands wanted me to be.  I recognize that much of it was my perception of what I was supposed to be as a wife and a mother.  I imagine I got those perceptions from the dysfunction of my family of origin and from the society of my growing up years.  I am happy to say that I never went so far as to vacuum the floors in high heels and a dress.  (Yes, I’m that old.)  That’s what the media were bombarding us very young mothers and wives with back then.  It tends to make you think you’re somehow less than you should be.  But then I read The Women’s Room by Marilyn French and started to understand the insanity of those images we’d been fed.

By the time D and I got married I had developed into a mother-of-three would-be hippie with long, straight hair, blue jeans, t-shirt and no bra.  D’s dad called me an equal-libber.  And I was. I Still am.  D and I both still wear blue jeans and t-shirts but I’ve added a bra.

Somewhere in the middle of this second marriage D and I became respectable. He started making a lot of money.  I think we both enjoyed the privileges of affluence.  Maybe we enjoyed it too much.  Maybe we forgot what was really important.  Maybe we forgot to be ourselves.

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5 thoughts on ““Fearlessly be yourself.”

  1. I think if we lose sight of meeting each other’s needs then things can go wrong. My Life Coach writes about this a great deal on his blog – and he has amazing success in bringing couples back together – if both partners are prepared to take that step to work together.

    As to who we are. We all have different versions of ourselves which we bring out in different situations. The trouble is when a marriage gets into trouble we bring out the wrong versions of us to try and patch over the cracks.

    Well that’s how I see it!!!

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  2. A few weeks ago I was helping a team of teachers with an integrated unit about change/metamorphosis. I googled for some quotes about change and one just stood out to me. I’ve been thinking about it as I have read your last few postings. It certainly refers to my relationship, but I wonder how it applies to just about any relationship. Here we go:

    We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing continue to love a changed person. (William Somerset Maugham, French Author, 1974-1965)

    Just makes me think about change, randomness, and realtionships. I’ve certainly been pondering this one and it seems to fit where you are going.

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    • Hi Tish,

      That’s a great quote. It says so much, doesn’t it? I haven’t looked this up, but I think it was Margaret Mead who said something about our changing society and that as we change we should expect to be divorced or to change relational partners a time or two. It’s been years since I read it. I’ve probably got it all wrong. Now that I have, I think I’ll go google.

      Anyway, thanks for reading. And happy birthday tomorrow.

      Pat

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    • PS… I couldn’t find what I was looking for but I did find that she was married at least 3 times, thus divorced twice so it seems reasonable that she might have said it.

      On Tue, Apr 12, 2011 at 9:14 PM, Pat Scattergood wrote:

      > Hi Tish, > > That’s a great quote. It says so much, doesn’t it? I haven’t looked this > up, but I think it was Margaret Mead who said something about our changing > society and that as we change we should expect to be divorced or to change > relational partners a time or two. It’s been years since I read it. I’ve > probably got it all wrong. Now that I have, I think I’ll go google. > > Anyway, thanks for reading. And happy birthday tomorrow. > > Pat > >

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