What now?

“Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery.  And today?  Today is a gift.  That’s why we call it the present.”    ~ Babatunde Olatunji and Eleanor Roosevelt

The most difficult thing in my life some days is to stay in the present.  There is a big difference between making plans and goals for the future and living in the future rather than living here and now.  Even as I’m making plans, I must keep in mind that often my plans change and so I will enjoy the planning whether or not I ever get to execute my plans.  It sounds simple enough.  I can think this through, write it down, and yet it is still difficult to get it from my head and into a way of being, a way of living my life.

Actually, when I go back and read that paragraph, it doesn’t sound so simple after all.  It sounds complicated.  I remember one day years ago I called my daughter and asked her what she was doing.  Her response:  “Oh, you know.  Just getting ready for life.”  We both laughed.  We both knew then as we do now that this is life.  Today.  Now.  I try not to look back on my life with regret.  But sometimes I wonder how much more I might have accomplished if I had spent more time living each today instead of looking forward and backward so much.

So, what now?  I am happy to say that I’m not looking back at my failed marriage very much these days.  As many of you know, it’s an on-again, off-again thing.  I’m having more and more off days lately.  I don’t feel angry at my ex.  I don’t feel angry at the OW.  At least not at the moment.  When I venture a look back nowadays, I feel sad, some days more so than others.  I think that will always be so.  And I think it’s normal for this abnormal situation I live with.  In fact, this abnormal life is becoming ever more normal every day.

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2 thoughts on “What now?

  1. Wow do I know the feeling! I could have written this post almost word for word! Sadness I can do by the bucket load!! We have our futures which we need to grab and plan for by doing something today to make them happen! And that, sometimes, is the tough bit! Small steps I think is the answer. Take the goal – what you would like to have in, say, 3 years time (or less) and then work it backwards to what we need to do today to achieve that goal. Trying to jump from now to the achievement can be too big a step. So take ‘baby steps’ even if you only take one step today!

    Now having said all that I need to do exactly the same!!! Rather than just think about it!
    xxx

    Like

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