“There is a point at which everything becomes simple and there is no longer any question of choice, because all you have staked will be lost if you look back. Life’s point of no return.“–Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish Statesman
D called me this week. I have mixed feelings about talking with him. I can only guess what’s going on with him but I think he’s trying to make amends for past indiscretions. It would be just like him to overdo it. That’s his personality. When we met and talked a few weeks back it took him 4 1/2 hours to say what he needed to say. Is he now going to call me every time something else comes to mind?
I didn’t realize until I hung up the phone that I have reached a new stage or plateau or something. “There is a point at which everything becomes simple…” Could it really be so simple all of a sudden? “…all you have staked will be lost if you look back.” I have staked a great deal on this new life of mine. I am learning to live with me. Would I ever be able to live with him again, even if the opportunity arose? I don’t think so.
In The point of no return, part one, I was talking about decisions D made that may have been defining moments in our relationship. I am now referring to my life’s point of no return. I get lonely sometimes. I’m learning to manage that. I miss having a husband to share with. But I have lots of friends and family.
Recovery from divorce is a roller coaster. I don’t expect all smooth sailing. I do hope I will continue to lean forward, not back. Enjoy now, not long for what is gone.