My daughter gave me this beautiful silver token. On one side it says, “Just believe…” and here you see the other side. I’m probably too pragmatic to believe this sentiment entirely. I think it’s a rather Presbyterian/Calvinist notion. But I love the token all the same and I carry it in my pocket. I love it because my daughter gave it to me. And I love it because it reminds me that I can take what happens to me and make of it what I will. I believe very strongly that I can learn valuable life lessons from all that happens to me–good or bad.
I once believed, I think, that everything happened for a reason. I’m not sure when or why I stopped. Was it the divorce? Maybe. I am very much aware now that we have free will to do as we choose, right or wrong. I had no control over what D in his free-will mode did to me. The only thing I could control was the way I reacted to it. Needless to say I didn’t react very well in the beginning. I’m sure I’ve alluded to that in previous posts. While I was in my “basket-case” phase I couldn’t get past the hurt and the fury. I knew on some level that my pathetic condition was upsetting my family, especially my daughters. Had that not been the case I probably would have wallowed in it longer than I did.
I decided I didn’t want my family to worry about my emotional state any longer. They shouldn’t have to protect me. I wanted to start protecting them. The best way to do that is to be happy and healthy whenever possible. Too many times I’ve waited for another person to make me happy. Well, it doesn’t work that way. I am the one in charge of my happiness. Happiness comes from within oneself. Perhaps I never would have learned that lesson had I not been forced to live alone and spend hours on end figuring it out. Misery is optional. And I have opted not to be miserable.