“Time! The corrector when our judgments err.” –Lord Byron.
It is the most natural thing in the world for the wounded party in a broken relationship to want to exact revenge. I think that on some level it is probably a good thing to think up ways of getting revenge. It helps the anger to dissipate. Notice I said think, not do. I had almost equal parts of hurt and anger. It was the anger that made me think of ways to get even with D and his lover. I’m grateful now that I didn’t act on it. Well, at least not any of the violent, crazy, dangerous things I thought of. Maybe in some snide, verbal ways I did. Well, okay, I’m sure I did. No maybe about it. I had a long mental list of ways to get even with them, especially her. After four years, I am just now blaming D at least as much as S. I just couldn’t make myself believe that he could treat me as badly as he did, so I blamed her.
Whenever I felt tempted to actually do something horrible to them I would remind myself that it wasn’t up to me to correct someone else. All I could do was try to change my reaction to them. I heard and read at every turn that one way or the other justice would be served. But not by my hand.
When I saw the Lord Byron quote above I understood exactly what it meant. Time has taken care of it, of D’s horrible errors of judgment. D is broke. His business partner has tied the company up in the courts. The beautiful home in the mountains is apparently going in to foreclosure. D may have to file for bankruptcy. Some would call this revenge. But I would never call it sweet. It is so very, very sad.