“Lord, lord, how subject we men are to the vice of lying.” ~ W. Shakespeare
How easy it must have been for you to lie to me. Not because I was naive or gullible, but because I had come to trust you completely. Shakespeare, in his quote above, lumps all men into the “liar” category. There was a time when I would have argued with that, based upon what I thought was my honest relationship with you. Now I don’t know. And I don’t know whether men or women lie more or better or equally. I don’t really care so I won’t do any research on the topic. I do know, though, that I didn’t think you were into lying once you stopped abusing alcohol, etc. And I think (and hope) that for a time you were more honest than not. But the distrust looms large and I can no longer be sure that we ever had more than a sham of a marriage. Did we?
Seeing you still causes these questions and feelings to surface. I’m glad you came to M’s basketball game last night. She was happy to see you there. I’m glad you didn’t bring your “friend” with you. But whenever I see you, it still feels as if I should reach over and put my hand on your knee or hold your hand the way I always did. Of course I don’t and I won’t. I know better. Still, it seems like such a natural, normal thing. Such a small thing. But maybe not so small. Not anymore.
I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and a prosperous New Year.