Letter to my ex-husband, part 2

O Christmas tree, my Christmas tree.

“Lord, lord, how subject we men are to the vice of lying.”  ~ W. Shakespeare

Dear D,

How easy it must have been for you to lie to me.  Not because I was naive or gullible, but because I had come to trust you completely.  Shakespeare, in his quote above, lumps all men into the “liar” category.  There was a time when I would have argued with that, based upon what I thought was my honest relationship with you.  Now I don’t know.  And I don’t know whether men or women lie more or better or equally.  I don’t really care so I won’t  do any research on the topic.  I do know, though, that I didn’t think you were into lying once you stopped abusing alcohol, etc.  And I think (and hope) that for a time you were more honest than not.  But the distrust looms large and I can no longer be sure that we ever had more than a sham of a marriage.  Did we?

Seeing you still causes these questions and feelings to surface.  I’m glad you came to M’s basketball game last night.  She was happy to see you there.  I’m glad you didn’t bring your “friend” with you.  But whenever I see you, it still feels as if I should reach over and put my hand on your knee or hold your hand the way I always did.  Of course I don’t and I won’t.  I know better.  Still, it seems like such a natural, normal thing.  Such a small thing.  But maybe not so small.  Not anymore.

I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

Always, Pat

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2 thoughts on “Letter to my ex-husband, part 2

  1. Pat,

    Reading your second letter to your ex letter left a tear in my eye. Only because I wonder how long it takes until that feeling goes away. The feeling of longing to reach over and hug him, or take his hand. The longing to pick up the phone and talk to him.
    I want that feeling to go away. I just feel so empty and void now, without him in my life.

    I wish you all the strength in the world. And of-course a merry Christmas and all the best for the new year!

    Like

    • Thank you, bye2. And Merry Christmas to you.

      I don’t know how long it takes for those empty feelings to go away. But I do know that they come much less frequently now than they used to. I think it’s just lots more difficult during the Christmas season. He always made such a big deal of Christmas and buying gifts for the family. When I saw him last week he told me he couldn’t afford stamps to mail Christmas cards. The very idea that he’s done this to himself makes me terribly sad.

      Like

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