“Are you a good witch, or a bad witch? Oh, I’m not a witch at all. I’m Dorothy of Kansas” –THE WIZARD OF OZ
Sounds like Christine of Delaware to me. But I digress. I had opportunities to be a witch this weekend and I’m afraid I took advantage of them. Is that human nature or is it my personality? Or is it my need/wish to be vengeful?
Let me explain. Every so often I find myself at a grandchild’s soccer game, birthday party, gymnastics meet, etc., and my ex shows up with his woman. This past weekend I had the misfortune of being at a soccer game on Saturday and then a birthday party on Sunday where they showed up, fashionably late, as usual. I find that I’m able to speak to, or even chat with, the ex (even when he’s trying to avoid speaking to me), but I cannot make myself be civil to her. Why is that? Oh, there are so many reasons. At least in my mind. But I think the biggest reason is that D brought her into the family way too soon. Less than two months after we separated. I don’t know how his family felt about that but I know that my family was hurt, angry, sad, disappointed, horrified. I’m sure there are more adjectives that would apply to how we all felt. And most of us haven’t recovered. The youngest children are the only ones who take it in stride.
Now that D says he’s going to marry her, I keep telling myself that she’s going to come to the children’s activities with him. I wish he would leave her at home but he won’t. Am I going to continue to ignore her? I have nothing in common with her. My counselor in my previous town told me that D went out and found the antithesis of me. And I think he really did. I still don’t know whether I am flattered or insulted by that. Perhaps neither. But I continue to have difficulty figuring out what my role should be. I have no desire to befriend her. I try not to think about her at all and am pretty successful at it except right after I’ve been forced to see her. He has shoved her into all our faces for so long that I tell myself I should be immune by now, but I’m not. I feel stunned anew every time I see her hanging on him as if they were joined at the hip.
I welcome your comments. Suggestions?
I love your witch!
I don’t think you are obliged to have a role at all. Your role is to be loving and supportive mother and grandmother, both of which roles you fulfill beautifully. There’s no reason at all to communicate with this woman. Since you didn’t provoke an ugly confrontation, I can’t see how your behavior is witchy by any stretch. Life is far too short to spend it engaging people we don’t like, no matter who they are and no matter what the circumstances. I think you can take some smug enjoyment in the fact that she likely would prefer not to be involved with D’s children and grandchildren. So you are there having fun with the family and she is miserable with only D to hang on to.
Thanks, C. I am literally LOL. I think I agree with you but you said it better.
Remember when we watched “Diary of Mad Black Woman” at your house many years ago. Who would have thunk????? Just saw it again a few nights ago. She got through all the stages way to fast. You’ve just had your wounds opened up again. It’s OK to be a witch, especially this time of year. Love ya.
Thanks, Tish. It’s good to be affirmed.
“Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”— Lemony Snicket
i read your blog and then the next blog i read contained this quote. how funny is that? hahahahaha!
lol. That’s funny. And so true.