Clarifying some terms.

“What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.“–Don Williams, Jr., American Novelist and Poet

Some definitions:

decorum–Behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety; a requirement of correct behavior in polite society

clueless–completely or hopelessly bewildered, unaware or ignorant

insensitive–lacking feeling or tact; rude; callous; heartless

respect–to show regard or consideration for  (Note:  I can’t type this one without singing along with Aretha in my head.)

In yesterday’s post I talked about respect, or should I say the lack of respect that my ex showed to me and to our 30-year marriage during our separation and divorce.  Today, someone very near and dear to me suggested that maybe I meant a lack of decorum.  Her point is well-taken because I have great respect for her intelligence and her ability to find  the nuances between and among words.

Now that I have studied the above definitions, I have concluded (I think) that all of the words apply to both D and his woman friend.  I remember saying to someone after attending the reception after D’s dad’s funeral that those two lacked decorum and propriety when she sat down on his lap with dozens of people milling around.  The two of them were insensitive at best when she showed up at the funeral, considering that R had been my father-in-law for thirty years and I needed to mourn his passing.  And I know from experience that D is often clueless about things that seem obvious to me and to others.  I asked my friend S one time why D was being so cruel to me and she said she didn’t think he was deliberately cruel, just clueless.  I think that his woman is, too.  Either that or she’s incredibly conniving and vicious.  I really don’t know her.

Finally, I think that because they lack decorum and they are insensitive and they are clueless, they fail to show an appropriate respect for me and for our families.  It’s  not so much intent, at least on D’s part, as it is ignorance of what’s appropriate.  And I’m going to stop feeling like Rodney Dangerfield.  Really!  I mean it!


1 thought on “Clarifying some terms.

  1. A well mannered person would show at least ‘decorum’ even if he’s not feeling very respectful. My mum often showed a total lack of respect for my dad. And she certainly was not capable of ‘decorum’ once she lacked respect.
    I think mum sometimes tended to be rather insensitive, whereas dad was more the sensitive one. He also was often a bit clueless.


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