Down and dirty

Driveway off the mountain and into a new way of being.

Sometimes I get nostalgic for the old days on the mountain top.  I even get sentimental about my ex-husband.  The photo here is our driveway going down the mountain and away from our house.  It’s symbolic for me.  I drove down it for the last time in early April, 2008, when it looked exactly like this picture, all green and beautiful.  And I did see it clearly that day because I wasn’t crying.  I had used up all my tears for the time being.  I found some more later and still do on rare occasions.

Whenever I get feelings of wistfulness about my broken marriage and start to think I still miss D, I try to remind myself of that last drive down and how I was feeling hopeful about a new life.  And how I have now, in fact, established a new, fulfilling life with old friends and new.  But most of all I remind myself of what it was like to live with D those last years–his secrets, his lies, his sneaky phone calls to his “friend” after I went to bed.  Oh, and I mustn’t forget the strange phone calls I got from people up in Virginia who felt compelled to let me know what was going on up there without actually coming right out and telling me.  I mean, who calls at midnight and asks if my husband is home and do I know where he is.  By then I already knew what my husband was up to and I said, “No, I don’t know where he is but if I had to guess, I’d say he’s probably in Virginia with his other woman.”  That got rid of my mysterious caller.  And I have to admit that it’s kinda funny now.  The best I can tell, those two created quite a scandal in that little town and it still interests me that so many people wanted to talk to me about it.  Some called me and yes, I made a few calls of my own.  They all confirmed for me the extent of D’s deception and I must never forget that.  I can forgive now but it would not be in my best interest to forget.

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2 thoughts on “Down and dirty

  1. I know how it feels. I assume you lost your mountain top home. I lost mine as well. It was a beautiful place where I planned to raise my children. It was a sad day when I had to leave it for good. That was 3 years ago. It has gotten much better and all is good, but why do I find myself here writing this and feeling sad? And why are uniquely painful divorce stories all so similar?

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    • I appreciate your comment. And yes, I did lose the house. He had to buy me out and he’s been trying to sell it ever since He never lived in it again. I think, Jim, that some small part of us will always feel sad about the loss. The most innocent-seeming things will make me sad. Fortunately, they don’t last long and I regain my balance quickly.

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