Remembering the Good.

Pictured here is a photo of a red maple that D planted for me .  I took this in October from the deck off our bedroom.  This was one of the many kind things he did for me over the years.

I am learning more and more to appreciate the years of good times we had together instead of mourning eternally over the death of the marriage.  I couldn’t do that at first.  When I thought of what fun we’d had through the years I could only cry over the loss.  I would wonder what I had done.  What could I have done that I didn’t do.  What did I do that I shouldn’t have done?  Am I ugly?  Am I old?  Am I boring?  Am I dumb?  The rejection was devastating.  I had a counselor recently whose husband died about the same time D divorced me.  She told me one day that she was lucky because her husband died.  She was referring to the fact that she didn’t have to deal with the rejection.  I don’t wish D any harm.  I’m glad he didn’t die.  I have to admit, though, that when she said that I thought about what it would be like to live without the pain of being dumped for another woman and to have all the assets.  Not a bad deal.

D and I took lots of wonderful trips together:  Seattle, Mt. Ranier, Alaska, Idaho, New Mexico, Nova Scotia, Maine, Jackson Hole, Montana, Yellowstone and so many more.  We camped in the Smokeys often because we live in NC.  We loved camping.  I miss the travel but I’m glad we had those experiences.  I remember them fondly because we were “two peas in a pod.”  We traveled well with each other.  We could talk or not.  I would sing and he would laugh at me.  Thankfully, he didn’t sing.  We joked about his singing too.

D showered me with gifts.  His favorites (and mine) were jewelry and flowers, especially roses.  No occasion was forgotten.  I was the envy of many other women.  Where did I find this man they wanted to know.  I don’t know exactly when I started to take it for granted but I’m sure I did.  And as he started to spend more and more time away from home I started to believe that he was substituting gifts for time he might have spent with me.  I remember telling him that I wanted him and time with him, not flowers.

Do I feel a twinge of sadness as I dredge all this up?  Yes.  A little.  But it doesn’t overwhelm me now.  I can truthfully say that I’m glad we had what we had while we had it.  And I wish him happiness, health and prosperity.  (I really do, most of the time.)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s